Well, it's raining really heavily today. I love this kind of weather. It's just so romantic and sullen at the same time.
Yesterday, I ended up drinking some Bacardi Rum and because I'm a light weight, all I needed was 4 shots to keep me intoxicated all night. I wanted to talk to him and decided to call at 11:30pm because I couldn't wait another hour, but I hung up after two rings. So, I decided to wait for him to call me when he noticed that I had tried to call him. But, I fell asleep and woke up at 1:30 and decided to call him then. The phone rang and rang and his answering service kicked in and I immediately got pissed off at him for avoiding me.
Well, he called me back and asked if I tried calling him, uh, duh! Then he asked if I was drunk and I said that yes I was. He asked me why I was calling him so late and that his phone was in the bedroom and could have woken her up. I apologized and offered to let him go and he said no, that's okay. He started bringing up stuff like why I brought a picture of him to work to show my friends and put it on the espresso machine. He got a little weirded out by it and was worried that I was getting too attached. I told him that my co-workers wanted to see who I keep going on and on about.
He had asked if it was still up and I said hell no, I took it home after work. He asked where it was then and I told him I put it away in a drawer. He was just acting weird and so I talked to him as an adult, apologized for the inconvenience and the confusion and offered to let him go for the evening and promised that I wouldn't call so late in the future. Or that I wouldn't call him at all if he wanted. He was like no it's okay. I told him that I was confused because my responses are based on what he's telling me and that is all I have to go on.
Anyways, we started talking about stupid shit because I was still drunk and we ended up talking for an hour about pointless stuff. But, this morning I woke up and realized that the first bit of our conversation was what I needed to get over him. I realized that I didn't need him as bad as I thought. I've decided to not initiate anything with him. I won't call, email or even talk to his wife. I'm just going to back away. Maybe after awhile, we can be friends. But, right now, I need to be good to myself and do what's right. If she does leave him, fine. I'll be a friend he can talk to if he needs it.
Other than that revelation, nothing else is going on. Oh, I lied. I got my hospital bill and it came out to like $4600! AND, I haven't even gotten my ambulance bill yet! I sure hope my job will pay for these bills. BTW, i'm still on my period, going on 18 days! It sucks, but it seems lighter today, so maybe I'll be done by the end of the week. HOPEFULLY DAMMIT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ready availability of suicide, like sex and alcohol, is one of life's basic consolations.
Edward Abbey
3:05 p.m. - 2003-09-11
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
iceelement