Okay. I did it. I had sex and it was fucking amazing! We did it 2 1/2 times! I guess I should explain the half part, heheh. Well, we started and I all of a sudden got a cramp in my right leg and we had to stop because cramps fucking hurt. It went away and so we started again. But, I got another fucking cramp, except on my other leg! WTF, right?! We stopped and I told him that we should go eat some food because I hadn't eaten all day, except for him (tee hee) and maybe that was causing me to have cramps. I don't know.
The experience was amazing. The first time we had sex made my body shiver uncontrollably all over, even my teeth wouldn't stop chattering! The second time, when I was on top, I got to see him cum even though I didn't. His facial expression was worth watching and I didn't care that I hadn't gotten off.
When we first started, of course we did missionary. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, but I got over that quickly and it became fucking grrreat! Then, we changed positions to doggy style next, I think. OMG! I loved that position! I felt more, I don't even know how to explain the feeling. After that, I was put on my side and stomach and he was behind me, which is also amazing. I think I really like taking it from behind. heh. Then, I gave him head, which was also an amazing experience. I tried to take him in as far in my mouth as I could, but it was damn hard. He's big! Then, I was on top and you know about that all ready. After that, we started back at the beginning with missionary and that's when I got the leg cramps. This all took place from 3pm to 6-6:30pm.
So after having amazing sex, we go out to eat and come back home to find my uncle home for lunch. eep! But, he didn't even notice us entering the house. He was in his room doing some Uncle thing that he does. He leaves around 7:30 pm and we are watching the rest of Buffalo 66. Unfortunately, my cousin came home from work at 8pm, which is way to early for her. I think she did that on purpose. I wanted to go again, but he wasn't having it. Oh well.
Around 9:30pm, we decide to go see the movie Underworld, which didn't start until 10:15pm. After the movie, he took me home and told me that he would call me today, tuesday. I get home from work around 11:55pm, a bit tipsy. I had gone to Bennigans with a couple of co-workers and I got them to buy me some drinks. So, I'm home and it's obvious that he's not going to call. So what do I do? Yep, I call him.
He answers and he seemed like he were trying to be quite so I asked him if he could talk and I believe he said kinda. I asked him if he wanted me to let him go and he said no it was okay. So I told him that I was drunk and I don't fucking remember the rest of the conversation even though it happened 30 min ago. Basically, he seemed weird but happened to be upset that I called because he was in his room where she was sleeping and he had left his ringer on.
I remember asking him if he regretted it and he said no, but I don't believe him. I also asked him if it was just a one time thing and he said he didn't know, maybe, he didn't know. I asked him if I was good and he asked me if I remembered what he said after the second time. I think because I am a little drunk I couldn't remember, but then I remembered that he said I was good.
Anyways, I think he's feeling extremely guilty and regrets what we've done. I don't regret it because I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and want to do it again. I even told him that I'd like to do it tomorrow, but I doubt he's agreeable to that suggestion. Well, he was a bit short with me and told me to think about it and he'd call me tomorrow. I guess right now I believe that he won't call me because of what I believe he's feeling. GUILT AND REGRET.
After we had sex, I thought that I was going to feel different somehow, but I don't. I had wondered if I was suddenly going to be smitten to the point where I would exclaim to the world that I loved him and that he was THE ONE. But, I don't feel that way. Is that weird? I feel that we're still friends, yet we took our flirting to another level and that's it. I mean sure it would be nice if he were single so I could fuck him whenever I wanted, but that's it. I don't know.
Well, he has alot more to think about than I do. He definitely has more consequences and if we keep doing what we're doing, I guess it's easy to assume that maybe one day he'll get caught. Who knows, really? Maybe it's better to have that one day. Or maybe I didn't live up to his fantasies or expectations and now he want's out of the entire situation. I just wish that he would be honest with me no matter what conclusion he decides upon.
Well, I'm getting kicked out. I'll add more when I'm sober. Maybe the shit I just said right now doesn't make sense. If it doesn't, fucking disregard it! lol!
-- Lost my virginity!!! Whoohoo!!
12:16 a.m. - 2003-10-01
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
iceelement