Well, I just got home from work about 20 minutes ago. My cousin came up to my work and took me out to dinner after my shift.
I was eager to come home and check my email to see if he had emailed me a response like I had asked, but, I didn't get anything. I guess that means he doesn't want to be friends at all. I guess I just wish that when I get over this, whatever this is, we could be friends. We could look back on this and talk about how crazy I was and how fucked up the situation was.
Matthew, who I work with, told me that married men don't usually remain friends with the woman they had an affair with. I guess I hadn't realized that. I just assumed that we would be able to still be friends. Why does this matter to me soo much? It's because I care about him. I'd like to know that he's doing well.
I actually cried at work today. How pathetic is that? When matthew was consoling me and telling me about how guys are jerks and assholes who can't express themselves enough to appease a woman. Also when he was telling me about the "severing ties" talk of his, I started to cry. He gave me more hugs and it comforted me. He's a sweet guy. Very cute, too!
Anyway, I can't believe I feel this much. Maybe it's because I'm on my period and my body is out of whack causing me to be extra sensitive. Maybe it's because he was my first. It's not like we had a fight on the phone yesterday or that he was angry or hateful towards me. I believe it was because he was indifferent that got to me.
When Matthew had to go back to work, Spencer told me to go into the back area and he tried consoling me by making me laugh. It's cute how men go about trying to make a woman not cry. He imitated my favorite Family Guy quote. He did some of my fav Eddie Izzard lines and just over all tried to make me laugh. So, here I am laughing and crying at the same time. I'm such a girl.
I'm just going to have to take this day by day. Hopefully, the pain will lessen, life will go on and I will live long enough to experience love.
By the way, yeah, I choked up at school today in my Ceramics class. I didn't full on cry, but almost...almost...
I hate this. I didn't think that I would be this emotional.
10:39 p.m. - 2003-10-07
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
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