Hmmm... how to start...
Well, I didn't get much sleep again last night. Not for the depressing reasons you think, oh no. For reasons that concern aunt flo. She left you see and I realized as I was laying in bed that I hadn't masterbated in quite awhile. Tee hee hee...
So, I decide to "relax" if you know what I mean and I ended up thinking about him and the day we had sex. It was a sweet torture. It made me want to call him up and ask for a last goodbye fuck. I don't think that would go over too well for both of us. I ended up going to bed at 2AM and woke up at 6AM to get ready for work. I'm dead tired. I just got home. Seriously. I've been hanging out at work all damn day. I didn't want to come home and feel lonely. So I stayed at work from 7:30AM to 9:45PM. Crazy, eh?
Anyway, I get a call while there. I'm kind of scared as to who would be calling me at work when I'm supposed to be off the clock and at home. I thought it may be Kelly since I was supposed to call her yesterday to set up a time to meet her about the "talk" she wants to have. I'm scared that she may ask me outright if I've slept with ben. I'm a terrible liar and you can always tell when I lie. If she were to ask me, I would tell her that she should trust her husband and that she needs to be asking him these questions and not me. So, I end up safe and she ends up asking him. Am I paranoid? I think I have good reason to be.
Anyway, back to the call. My friend De Ana called me. We used to work together and talked all the time about life and stuff. She told me that the reason she called was because she had something important to say. First, she asked me what Ben and Kelly looked like because she thought they may have come into her store. I told her their descriptions and yes, it turns out they were there, plus kelly's mother was there as well. How exciting! (yeah right) She told me that she may have said something she shouldn't have, but needed to tell me what happened. At this point, she got a customer and I had to hold on the phone until she finished.
At this point, I'm shaking. I'm hoping that she hadn't said anything damning. I'm holding and holding and finally she tells me what happened. She said that Ben, Kelly and her mother came into the starbucks. Kelly wanted to order a tea and was being bitchy and demanding about it. Anyway, kelly mentioned to De Ana that she had a friend that worked at the starbucks in watauga. They realized that both new me. De Ana then proceeded to tell her that alot of "crazy stuff" has been going on in my life recently.
De Ana, then realized who she may be talking to and immediately referred to the "crazy stuff" as stress from school and losing weight and stuff. She then told me that all Ben did was look down at the ground and Kelly stated that she needed to call me to see what's been going on with me. De Ana also said that she looked at Ben when she asked her what kind of stuff was going on in my life.
I'm a bit freaked out by it and don't know what to think or if I'm just over-reacting. I can't help but wonder if Kelly has suspicions and wants to confront me about them. I also wonder if I ignore her calls, would that confirm her suspicions? FUCK. WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO!!
Like I said. I don't want to ruin his life, but if she confronts me and asks me if I've slept with him, I'll just say that she should trust ben and talk to ben about it. This is none of my business. If she asks me why I've been avoiding her calls, I could easily say that I was upset at what she told ben to do and about how she ignored and avoided my calls. If she starts to talk about how she's uncomfortable with me being friends with ben, I'll just say that I'm not sure I understand why, but I'll do as she says. If she asks what we talk about, I'll just tell her CS, movies, work, etc. Innocent stuff.
I have a headache. For some reason, I don't think I'll have any kind of problems sleeping tonight. My mind is on overdrive tonight.
10:46 p.m. - 2003-10-11
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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