A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have been anxious and stressed these past weeks. I had a talk with Kelly about how she knows Ben and I are close and that it makes her uncomfortable that we talk all the time. That I went behind her back to talk to him when she had asked me before not to talk to him. I of course forgot about that. Oh well. All I can say is, oops! lol
Anyway, I have a feeling that that was our last conversation. By the way, she lied to me when we talked. She tried digging for information by saying that De Ana said that I had told her that a friend of mine was jacking me around. Whatever. It's behind me now. I feel that finally I can move on. I sent Ben an email asking him if he wanted to stay friends or not. It's up to him to decide whether or not he wants to remain friends. This is his opportunity to get rid of me forever.
However, today, I realized that I was anxiously awaiting his email to see what he would say. That isn't good. I can't fall back into that frame of mind. Specifically, waiting to hear from him. So, maybe it would be better if we didn't remain friends. I wonder if remaining friends with him will keep me from completely letting it go. I'm not sure. Not sure at all. I guess time will tell. I'm positive that he regrets what happened and thinks that I wasn't worth the trouble or drama. He was soo close to ruining his life. I wonder if he'll take another chance in the future or has in the past. Who knows. I'm sure he hasn't told me the truth about everything. I was a means to an end, I'm sure.
Enough of that. I do have other things going on in my life, y'know. Sheesh. lol.
Yesterday at work, I was walking back to starbucks from the break room and I heard someone say, "Sheeeee-la." When I walk, I really don't pay attention to my surroundings. I turned around and it was MATT!!! (Remember Matt?! He's the guy that I asked out and although he said no, I'm still kinda attracted to him. He's soo cute!) I was completely shocked to see him there. Apparently he was up from Austin to watch the Texas Longhorn football game. I said hi and kept on walking. I looked over towards Starbucks to see Spencer looking over with a big smile. I guess I reacted kinda dorky.
Matt kept walking heading towards the breakroom. Anyway, later I took a lunch break and went into the employee area near the breakroom. He was with a friend and talking to April the operator lady. I went over to the time clock to see when I had last clocked out, not really paying attention because Matt was so close and I was eaves dropping on their conversation. I said hi, we talked about the football game and how his team lost. I left and went into the breakroom and to sit with Jennifer. I realized that I really needed to know when I last clocked out because I didn't want to come back late from lunch.
I go back to the time clock and he's still there. He kind of chuckles and tells me that I already clocked out. Anyway, I felt stupid for going back twice. He is too cute and seems really nice. He completely lost out on a good thing.
A few minutes later, I'm back to work and he comes up to the counter and asks if he could have his usual. I of course turn everyone on to the passion tea lemonade. It's soo damn good. I give him his tea on the house. He mentions that he has to go back to Austin and I put a message on his cup that read, "drive safely back to austin." Dumb, huh? What can I say.. I'm a huge dork! Dorks Rule! lol.
He says that he has to go, but extends his hand out for a handshake. I thought to myself, "Okay, I'll shake his hand." I shake his hand and his grip is soo weak it makes me smile. It was a very girly grip! lol. I don't care though. His handshake just tells me that he's a kind non agressive guy.
Sunday evening, I get invited to see Kill Bill. Ron, Carrie and myself are there to see it. We walk in, hand our tickets to the movie ticket stub remover guy, lol, and he's FINE!! I say hi and so does Ron. Ron then started talking to him as if he knew him and asked if he could bite his nipple and Chris, the ticket stub remover guy lol, said sure! I laughed but wished I could munch on him, too! I introduced myself and then Ron introduced Carrie and proceeded to tell us that they went to highschool with each other. Apparently, Chris is 19, but who cares really? Okay, I do.
Anyway, we talked a little about piercings and I noticed that he had long luscious black hair restrained in a hair tie. I wished I could have freed it so that I could have ran my fingers through it. I settled for asking him if I could touch and he allowed me to do it. Ron and Carrie started to pull me away and as I walked away with them I told Chris that I thought he was really cute! How bold, n'est pas? Flirting is so much fun.
Moving on...I recommend watching Kill Bill. It kicks ass! The special effects are indescribable. I don't want to give anything away. However, before opening credits rolled, I guessed who Bill was just by his voice. I'm the shit, baby! lol. Just go see it! I'd see again in a heartbeat. Oh, I also want to see Underworld again. That's a great movie.
Whelp, I have hours to kill until Astronomy. I think I'll take a nap and then do some homework because I won't be able to do it Wednesday. I've been invited to see another movie with someone else, Ronnie. We're going to see School of Rock with Jack Black. I can't wait! Jack is fucking hilarious.
Off I go... I'm going to take a blissfull 2 hour nap!
laters!
PS -- I have to tell you guys this... it's kind of funny actually. Ahem. While talking with kelly on the phone yesterday, she told me that I should just go ahead and lose my virginity to Ron and get it over with. She exclaimed that the process would hurt, be bloody, gross, messy, smelly, etc. She was very sure to tell me how bad the experience would be. It was kind of weird to talk to her about my virginity. I mean, little does she know, but I did fuck her husband after all and it was great! lol! hahahaha... Hey, I thought it was funny!
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Mr. Van Driessen: "Well, class, it looks like Beavis and Butt-Head got a lot of signatures here. Let's see�Hugh G. Rection, Ben Dover, Betty Humpter, Rosie Palm and her five sisters�Beavis and Butt-Head, couldn't you boys get each sister to sign individually?"
From: Beavis & Butt-Head
1:17 p.m. - 2003-10-13
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