Why should I be sad?
I emailed Ben twice and he didn't respond to either emails. I guess by now I should get the hint that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I think it sucks that we can't be friends. Should I have seen this coming? Yes, I should have. I guess I expect too much from people. I expected that we could overcome what happened and continue to be friends, but I guess that's just asking too much. I remember him asking me not to be enemies, but I thought that was because he didn't want me to tell his wife. I hate when I'm right.
I want to believe that he just hasn't received my email yet or was drunk when he read it and then forgot to respond back. I wonder if that's an excuse when he tells me that. It sounds like one, but it's so hard for me not to believe what he tells me. Is that me being naive? It seems so. Will I ever lose my naiveness? Should I? Is it wrong to believe the best in people or trust them?
I guess this is just another chapter in my sad life. An experience that I will grow from. I'll look back on this and see the situation for what it truly is.
-- On to other things --
Last night, I had astronomy class and as I was getting my graded homework, Dustin came up behind me and kind of nudged me with his shoulder (caveman for announcing his arrival. lol) and so I nudged him back. I noticed that he had completed a certain homework that I had yet to do, so I asked if I could borrow it. At this point, he said no with a big smile on his cute face and I took his paper anyway. He laughed and told me that he copies too! I laughed and sat down with this feeling of inner giddyness. Little things make me happy.
I kept staring at him throughout class and because I sit somewhat behind him and to his left, he can't really turn around and look at my precious self without getting caught. LOL. Not that I wouldn't mind the attention! tee hee hee! So, I'm sitting in class, not paying attention to the lecture because I'm copying homework and finishing other late homeworks and I decide to do something I don't normally do. On the back of his homework, I wrote this:
Hey,
If you ever want to hang out or do something, give me a call.
I left my phone number and email address. I wrote this all in PEN, which means that I couldn't take it back when I changed my mind. Exactly, when I changed my mind, because I freaked and wished I hadn't done it because I had to give his homework back to him. LOL. I was scared! I'm a big chicken when it comes to this stuff. So, the end of class comes and I get up to sit next to Robin and I told her what I did and she could tell that I was nervous and proceeded to laugh at me. lol.
I folded his homework in half so he couldn't see what I wrote and gave it back to him. I was nervous and when this happens, my body doesn't function correctly. I sometimes have a hard time paying attention and hearing what the person is saying. He mentioned something about he doesn't even know why he keeps those homework assignments. I said thank you for letting me borrow it and I turned around as he was starting to look at it. I don't know if he saw what I wrote, but I guess I'll see. I walked out of class with Robin and sat outside while she smoked.
Yay, I haven't smoked in 2 weeks! I think I've kicked that habit. However, I do crave one every now and then. Anyway, I really hope that he calls me because I would love to hang out with him. He seems really cool. Plus, his tongue is pierced and he has an eyebrow ring. I love piercings and tat's, their soo sexy.
Anyway, I can't wait for tomorrow. I'll be going to the movies with Jesse, I really hope he doesn't back out. My mom will be here and we can go through my stuff to see what I should bring home and what I should sell. Which reminds me, I have to ditch the incriminating stuff...hehehe...
Gotta get back to cleaning house.
11:21 a.m. - 2003-11-25
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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