I masterbated 5 times today. I kept getting turned on. The roommates left, I claimed having a headache, and I used the time to shave my naughty bits and take some "pictures" of myself. (blush)I had to take breaks and take care of business! I'm not ashamed of these pics. The pics actually make me feel sexy and beautiful. Is it weird that I feel that way? I'm sure the average individual wouldn't post naked pics of themselves online would they? Sure, only ben has access to them, but you just never know.
I have a big smile on my face and I can't wipe it off! I'm still turned on because of the anticipation of ben seeing them for the first time. I wonder if he'll pleasure himself to those new pics. There's one pic where i'm laying on my back and my legs are spread open and on the bed between my legs is my laptop with a naked picture of him on the screen. I thought those pics were ingenious. lol.
Anyway, I'm glad to be out of my sisters house. The house we grew up in. I love her, but she's different from me and doesn't completely understand me when I try to open up about things that really concern me. I can't talk to her. I feel like I have to put on a smile and pretend to be happy. I only stayed the weekend instead of the two weeks she wanted me to stay because I just couldn't stand it.
Friday she took me out with her friend to this bar called the elbow room. It was completely filled with rich, preppy, fake and pretentious people. I couldn't stand it. I hadn't realized she changed soo much. We had dinner and I wasn't too impressed with the food. Although, you would think that the prices would indicate that the food was good, but it wasn't. I was tired and uninterested in her friend or her company. Is that mean to say? She wanted to head out to another bar for drinks and I informed her that I was tired and that she could drop me off and she and her friend could go and have fun.
Alas, she wouldn't take no for an answer. I smiled and dragged myself onto the next bar. The Elephant Room was a nice looking themed bar. Again, more preppy rich people. What the hell had happened to her? I guess I shouldn't expect people to stay the same and that we are two different people who are interested in very different things. I sat there drinking water, I didn't feel like getting fucked up. She did! I never knew how much she fucking talked when she was drunk. It annoyed the shit out of me and I had to pretend that every word uttered out of her mouth was highly interesting.
Finally, we got home and I went to bed. Saturday came around and I backed out of going to see a Fresno State Basketball game. For fuck sake, she knows that I hate sports. She got a bit upset that I didn't want to go, but ended up not going herself. I felt bad, but oh well.
Sunday came along and her roommate Humphrey made dinner. It was excellent. I was thoroughly impressed at his culinary skills and the conversation turned sexual. I love when conversations turn sexual. I'm naturally perverted and my sister hates when I talk in my perverted way. Heh. I don't really care what she thinks. Sigh. Oh well. She's my ball buster and I guess everyone needs that now and then.
I'm anxious to see what ben thinks of those photos. But, I won't bore you with my anxiety. I'm reading a book called Love Affairs and it's rather interesting. Here's a quote:
"Love affairs are like wars: Everyone finds them exciting, yet everyone knows they carry with them the risk of untold destruction. But just as wars are not going to be stopped by piously intoning "Thou shalt not kill," neither are people going to stop falling in love and acting on those deep feelings just because someone says "Thou shalt not commit adultury."
Interesting isn't it? Anyway, I'm off to see this ridiculous show called Surreal Life. Carla is facinated by it and I thought I'd give it a chance. TTFN.
8:38 p.m. - January 12, 2004
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