Last night, Remy and I talked more online. I know that the male ego is fragile but I thought that I could be honest with Remy about the time we made love. I think men want you to be honest, but not really. Their ego is so fragile when it comes to their sexual performance, they want you to lie to them. Yet, this doesn't benefit me in anyway. I still don't cum. I'd prefer honesty so that we could try to help me cum and not be selfish.
I liked the experience so much and the orgasm part isn't the most important thing about making love. There is more to it. Sure, I'd love to experience my first orgasm, but I don't expect it to happen the first few times I have sex. There's the part of being intimate with your partner, sharing an amazing act, a show of trust and love.
He was watching Average Joe while chatting with me online and we said this:
alarcon93638 (10:55:42 PM): you said im not average, i said depends on what youre talking about
alarcon93638 (10:55:43 PM): get it
my screen name (10:55:52 PM): haha... silly git
alarcon93638 (10:56:00 PM): got it?
my screen name (10:56:12 PM): i don't know your measurements.. .and i was satisfied
alarcon93638 (10:56:18 PM): lol
alarcon93638 (10:56:21 PM): good
my screen name (10:56:24 PM): grreat
alarcon93638 (10:56:26 PM): im glad you were
alarcon93638 (10:56:35 PM): i thought i might have disappointed
my screen name (10:56:49 PM): nope. do you want the honest truth?
alarcon93638 (10:56:55 PM): yes
my screen name (10:56:58 PM): sure?
alarcon93638 (10:57:01 PM): yes
my screen name (10:57:45 PM): I enjoyed making you feel good and happy. Being that it was my 2nd time ever, i didn't expect much. It hurt a bit, but then it got better. I didn't orgasm, but it didn't matter. Just watching you cum, made me feel good
my screen name (10:58:12 PM): hello??
alarcon93638 (10:58:19 PM): wha!
my screen name (10:58:31 PM): what?
my screen name (10:58:37 PM): did i say something bad?
alarcon93638 (10:58:46 PM): you serious?
alarcon93638 (10:58:51 PM): you didnt cum once?
my screen name (10:58:53 PM): nope
my screen name (10:58:59 PM): almost
alarcon93638 (10:59:12 PM): what did i do wrong
my screen name (10:59:44 PM): i don't know that you did. My first time was the same way. I may be sexually challenged
my screen name (10:59:52 PM): i don't think you did anything wrong
my screen name (10:59:57 PM): it felt good
my screen name (11:00:01 PM): it felt amazing
my screen name (11:00:11 PM): but it's a prob that women face all the time... so my sister says
alarcon93638 (11:00:22 PM): i feel bad now
my screen name (11:00:40 PM): DON'T!!!! l never intended to make you feel bad... no i feel bad
my screen name (11:00:45 PM): now*
alarcon93638 (11:01:06 PM): i sucked
my screen name (11:01:09 PM): NOOOO
my screen name (11:01:18 PM): please don't...
alarcon93638 (11:01:32 PM): i didnt make you orgasm
alarcon93638 (11:01:35 PM): i sucked
my screen name (11:01:55 PM): no.. i'm the inexperienced one... this was like another 1st time for me...
my screen name (11:02:12 PM): do you hate me?
alarcon93638 (11:02:18 PM): dont be silly
my screen name (11:02:29 PM): should i have lied ?
alarcon93638 (11:02:33 PM): i just feel inadequate
my screen name (11:02:46 PM): dont feel that way
my screen name (11:03:09 PM): i'm sorry to make you feel that way
alarcon93638 (11:13:25 PM): i feel like im the husband in a marriage for 40 years
alarcon93638 (11:13:27 PM): lol
my screen name (11:14:01 PM): you don't understand my point of view. Girls who are inexperienced at sex DO NOT enjoy their first few times because it's a new experience for them. I don't know what to fucking say. I feel like anything I say will hurt your ego
my screen name (11:14:20 PM): fuck fuck fuck fuck
alarcon93638 (11:14:21 PM): im teasing you silly
my screen name (11:14:24 PM): no you're not
alarcon93638 (11:14:25 PM): relax
alarcon93638 (11:14:29 PM): yes i am
my screen name (11:14:34 PM): no you're not
my screen name (11:14:40 PM): i can't tell
alarcon93638 (11:14:51 PM): besides i dont have an ego
alarcon93638 (11:14:55 PM): lol
alarcon93638 (11:16:50 PM): anyway, its cool
my screen name (11:16:55 PM): really?
alarcon93638 (11:17:02 PM): yeah its cool
my screen name (11:17:06 PM): serious?
alarcon93638 (11:17:21 PM): did you feel good at least
my screen name (11:17:27 PM): yes, extremely so
alarcon93638 (11:17:36 PM): ok
alarcon93638 (11:17:52 PM): they say if you fail once try and try again
alarcon93638 (11:17:57 PM): lol
He then said that he had to go because his computer is in his dad's room and he wanted to get to bed. I wasn't sure if that was true, but I have to trust that it is. I hope that we can see each other this week, but will that be any good?? Should I just move on?? I don't know what to do or what to say. I'm lost.
12:10 p.m. - February 03, 2004
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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