Yes it's attainable. It's within my grasp, it's so attainable. I'm talking about happiness. I wasn't sure and I'm a little scared, but I'm willing to risk all.
Let me explain. Remember Shane? Well, we have been talking for quite awhile. We have amazing conversations. I love talking to him. He's nerdy, sensitive, kind, shy and the kind of person who would do anything for you if you were considered a friend. He makes me feel so comfortable. He lifts my spirits and boosts my self confidence. He understands me completely and where I'm coming from. I feel comfortable telling him things I wouldn't normally tell anyone.
The second time I saw him was at Sam and Nicks for Easter. We sat next to each other a few times and I flirted a bit by petting the dog next to him and touching his leg while doing so. I'm so slick and smooth! LOL. As the night progressed, we flirted (pillow fight!) and kind of lounged on the couch together. My legs were tangled with his a bit and we watched super troopers I think.
Well, I had to leave at the end of the night and I said bye to everyone and then Shane and I looked right at him and then I left. I walked to my car alone. I left to go see the last showing of Dawn of the Dead. That movie is pretty scary. I was scared to go to bed that night. I get freaked easily and I hate being alone at night when I've been scared shitless. LOL.
Amway... (inside joke)
We talked online more and more, sometimes on the phone as well. He came back down and I ended up staying the night at Sam and Nicks when he was there for their birthday. He picked me up from work, where this girl thought he was FUCKING FINE! I almost kicked her ass right there. That's my man! Biatch!) and we went to the mall only to find that it was closed and I wasn't able to buy their b-day presents.
That night was terrible and not because of him but because of what I had to do on our "date." I had to have my car towed, we drove across town, talked and held hands. The little things just mean so much. The way he held my hand. The way his thumb stroked mine. The way he would look at me with that shyness I find so adorable. He's a great guy. I want everything to work out soo bad.
We got back to the Coop's apartment and had dinner, one drink, talked, walked around the complex for around an hour and just had a great time. Some shyness occurred, but that's normal for both of us. We got back to the apartment again and everyone left and or went to bed. We stayed in the living room and got ready for bed. We were going to share the futon mattress on the floor. We talked, snuggled, and finally kissed. He's such a great kisser. I love the feel of his lips on mine, so soft and luscious.
We started to make out and it progressed. I was kind of naughty. He went down on me, omg it was so fucking good. I had never been treated as good as he treated me that night. We messed around more, I gave him a hand job and he layed on top of me and I absolutely loved the feel of him on top of me. He did this thing where he rubbed his naughty bits against mine and it felt good. We ended up completely naked and I was soo wet for him. I wanted him inside me but we didn't have a condom.
That was upsetting. But, I told him I just wanted to feel him inside me just once, for a little bit. I was so wet and tight for him. He felt so good. He pulled out after a bit and then we made out some more and again he entered me. Mmmm...it felt good and then we were having great sex. He's fucking huge! He's got girth and length! Whew! What a big boy. He came on my stomach. I don't think he saw, but I ran my fingers through his cum and tasted it. It tasted good. Different but yummy.
The next morning we all had a bday breakfast and they took me to work. I couldn't call in sick because i'm such a pussy about it. We had lunch together and then he picked me up after work and we went back to sam and nicks. After hanging out, he took me home that night. I had my doubts. I want happiness but after the last two guys, I was waiting for it. But, it didn't happen.
``` to be continued ```
i'm too fucking tired right now to type any further. nite nite.
9:07 p.m. - May 09, 2004
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