I don't remember all the details. I can't remember many things. My brain can only hold so much info. So many things have happened in the past few weeks.
I'm happy. I'm so happy I'm smiling. I need a t-shirt that says, "I pay for it." AHAHAHAHA. Shit, I'm so fucking funny.
I'll give a real condensed version of the past couple of weeks. Just the highlights...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a boyfriend named Shane.
We've had lots of good sex. I finally came. What an experience that was. Whew! It lasted and it was fucking amazing. (I'm still out of breathe!)
We've talked about alot of personal things, our past, present and the uncertainty of the future.
We feel that we're moving a bit fast and yet not really. It's weird.
I spend my weekends at his house and we have a great time just being in each others presence. I can sit and watch him play UT 2k3 and I'm happy. He'll watch me play CS and pout because he wants to play UT! LMAO! It's cute.
He's not ashamed of me. He holds my hand, hugs me, kisses me and looks me in the eye when we talk. It's weird to look a person in the eye. It's more intimate and meaningful. Does that make sense? I really love PDA. It doesn't really have to be PDA, I'm just a very affectionate person.
I met his friends and was introduced as his girlfriend. It's really weird. This is so new for me. It's weird for me to say boyfriend, too. It's like a foreign word in some crazy language that I'm just now learning. I got the seal of approval from Lauren, a girl he considers more of a sister. I was worried a bit that she wouldn't like me. Hell, I worry about that with everyone. (this is one reason why seclusion is so appealing. You can't disappoint anyone if you don't meet anyone.)
He told me he loved me on saturday (5/22/04). I was soo happy. I couldn't believe that anyone could love me. ME. what's so special about me? I told him I felt the same, but he brought up a good point. How do I know I love him when this is new for me. Is it possible that I like the idea of being in love? He's absolutely right. I don't know. I've never experienced this before. All I know is that I care deeply for him already. I'm experiencing things I've never experienced before. We'll see. I'll let you know.
I hate leaving him to go home. I miss him soo much. Sometimes I wonder if I smother him. He tells me I don't, but I just don't want to scare him away if I'm doing something that he doesn't like. We go in circles with this particular conversation. I have my insecurities and he tells me that he'll tell me when he feels that way or if he has an issue. I want him to tell me. I don't want to fuck this up. I like him waaay too much. I'm just going to take each moment, situation as it comes and be true to myself.
** side note: seriously, you guys have to check out Vast. This guy is fucking amazing. His music is just fucking unbelievably good. click here for his latest release and sound wav's or here for some of my fav songs. I like pretty when you cry, flames and touched. **
Heh, I've forgotton what I've been talking about. I've been interrupted many times from people IM'ing me and talking on the phone. I'm too much of a lazy bastard to re-read all the shit i just typed, so I'm moving on.
I'm talking to shane right now. He's talking about car stuff and it's turning me on. hehehe.
Wow, I can't believe I write so much. Heh. Actually, that's nothing new. I write so much about nothing important. Sooo, I'll give your eyes a rest and stop for tonight. I'll try to keep this thing updated regularly, but now that I get booty *grin* I may lag on that statement! I should get a tshirt that says I'm blogging this. That would be cool.
8:23 p.m. - May 25, 2004
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
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