Last night, I talked with Shane for quite some time about many different things. I won't go into what we said, but I will go into what I dreamt. Suffice it to say, his voice was the last thing I heard before going to bed. When I stay the night at Shanes, my body craves his and gives into the craving even in my sleep. I somehow end up rubbing my ass against his dick.
In my dream, I was lying in bed next to him and started to rub my ass against him. I was in between being asleep and being awake at the same time. I felt him harden against my ass. I was so wet for him. He'll be asleep and yet his body responds and takes over. We'll wake up to making love to each other. I love the feeling of taking my fingers and dipping them inside and taking them to my lips for a quick taste before he enters me.
How do you describe such a feeling? The anticipation of him stretching me to fit him like a glove...I love the feeling of when he first enters me. To feel him slide right into my wet pussy. He turns me on so much. God, just thinking about him makes me horny. Do you know what's just as exciting? Watching him pleasure himself. Why this turns me on, I'm not so sure, but god I love to watch. I love his facial expressions. Turning him on turns me on. He's so fucking sexy.
He loves it when I give him head. I love giving him head too. I love to swallow his cum. He tastes so good and I can't get enough of him. I love him. Sex isn't everything, but if you're not compatable in the bedroom, shower, computer room, etc... then the relationship isn't satisfying enough. Is that a weird statement to make? I love all of him. Everything. Every mood, gesture, smile and just everything. I don't even care when he farts on me. LOL. Gross, but It's not a big deal.
I digress. My dream. Yes, I started to rub my ass against him and we started to fuck. I love it when he fucks me HARD. He bites hard and I wish he would pull my hair harder. I want it harder! Fuck. I don't remember my dream anymore because I can't stop thinking about him. I wish I were with him right now. Not just to fuck, but to be held by him. He looks me in the eyes and tells me how he truly feels and I believe him. I believe every word. I trust him completely. It's all or nothing and I want it all. I want all of him and I will give him all of me.
He makes me feel good about myself. He makes me feel loved. Sometimes you go through life and you feel unworthy of such a good thing. Maybe you feel that this really can't be happening. Maybe you try to sabotage your happiness because your fucking pessimistic and you believe your some kind of realist that doesn't deserve it. There may be comfort in being alone or being secluded from everything. No chance of hurt when you don't live a life. But, realize this... I am deserving. He deserves me. So far, things are working out. I will not sabotage this for myself.
I am happy. He makes me happy. I'm trying to be happy on my own, but other things interfere and he grounds me and brings me back to what I want in life. Happiness. I have no expectations. I may assume things because I believe the worst. Yet, it takes time to grow out of that behavior. I can't go through life thinking that everything will get fucked up and turn out for the worse. That's no way to live and I refuse to do it. Now, actually doing it, that's the hard part. All things are easier said than done.
So, we'll see. Tonight, I do not have him with me. I cannot hold him, or be held, or have such intimate talks while lying in each others arms. It'll have to wait. We'll be together from the night of the 11th to the 20th. I have vacation time! Yay! I can't wait to spend this time with him. Reality will kick in. We'll learn more of our little habits and annoyances and we'll grow. We'll learn to tolerate and compromise. Nothing about a relationship is easy. It's the bringing of two different souls together, trying to live intertwined. We are different and should embrace each others qualities.
Sleep beckons me. I'm tired, yet always eager for pleasure. Masterbation, here I come.
1:46 a.m. - June 06, 2004
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