I can't believe a year has already gone by. My life has changed so much and I never thought I would be where I am today.
A year ago yesterday, I lost my virginity to Ben. (If you don't know about him, I wrote about him in my earlier entries. He's the married guy) I thought I was in love, I got my heart broken and I was a fool to let myself be swept up in a married man. So much so that I gave him something precious of mine that I can never get back or give to someone more deserving.
Today, I came home to find Shane sleeping on the couch. All I could do was smile. He makes me so happy. I see myself growing old with him. Hopefully one day we will get married have one or maybe two kids. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. When he wakes up with a sleepy smile... it just melts my heart.
I love him. I really do. My parents and my sisters and brother like him alot. That means alot to me too. I haven't been writing much in my journal only because I'm not the same girl who was depressed all day everday and could only write sorrowful morbid thoughts. My days were consumed by nothing but pity for myself and the situation i was in. Now things are different.
I'm still the same person, but more developed. Does that make any sense? I've made some new friends, alot more, but I'm still the same anti-social person who's more than happy to be around one or two people at a time.
Then there are times when I'm completely annoyed and hurt. Sometimes he says things that just hurt my feelings. He says I take everything to personally, but maybe I'm just a sensitive person who doesn't like to be teased so much because of my past.
I want love. unconditionally. i want to love. unconditionally. i want complete acceptance.
6:44 p.m. - September 30, 2004
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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