he hadn't responded to any of my emails... so i checked his myspace and i found out that this girl brianna, who is 18 yrs old, is now his new girlfriend. She did this stupid survey and it said that she was glad she and robert hooked up, that she liked him and got text messages from him. he is in her number one spot and she is his number one spot. this is what i wrote to him...
Dear Robert,
I haven't heard from you in awhile and I thought you were taking your time responding to me because I took a few days to respond to your last email. I told myself not to check up on you because I was giving you your "space" so that you could do what you needed to do to get more confidence in yourself. However, I broke my rule and I did check up on you. I'm sorry to invade your space, but I just had to know what was going on. I signed into your myspace account and I saw a post by Brianna. She specifically mentioned hooking up with you, receiving text messages from you and how much she liked you. She has you as her number one friend. I am disappointed. My heart is breaking all over again. I had this hope in my heart that you would come back to me, we'd get married and that you still loved me, but now I know that it was all a lie. I can't believe you would string me along like this. It's completely unfair of you to do this to me. I've been nothing but devoted to you for two years and I was going to come home every day and be devoted to you for another year while I waited for you. I still remember the note you left on my computer the night you told me that you were leaving. You said that you loved me and that leaving was hard, but now I'm not so sure. Was our relationship, our life together a lie? You see, now all the insecurities come crashing back. Were you using me? I loved you with my entire being, with all of my heart and maybe you didn't? But then, why would you propose marriage to me? These are the questions running around in my head right now. I'm so hurt robert. so hurt.
It's hard for me to believe that you were able to move on already. I don't know if you'll even respond to this email. I guess I'm just another fool to have given her heart completely to someone who didn't give themselves back completely. I'm sitting here stunned. I don't even know what to say or ask you. I'm dying to ask you for the absolute honest truth. I want to torture myself with that truth. I want to know if you really loved me? I want to know what you honestly thought about my appearance? Was it hard to have sex with me when you weren't attracted to me? Did you propose to me because that's what you thought you should do? But didn't feel that in your heart? Did you just use me to get out of Crescent City? I still can't believe you've already moved on and had sex with another woman. Well, she's only 18, does that make her a woman yet? When were you going to tell me that it was really over? Where you just going to allow me to wait a year while you fucked around and didn't give a shit about me? Where you gonna try and come back after all that you've done over there without me supposedly knowing what you've been doing behind my back?
Well, I hope that the decision you made was worth it because there is no way that I will take you back. There is no going back and wishing you hadn't slept with that girl brianna. Unless, you really don't care and you're now happy that I'll stop bothering you with emails and phone calls. Maybe you're now happy that I'm completely out of your life. I will keep this email address until tonight. If you even care to respond. When I get home, I'm deleting it. There's no use showing people who I love when its over between us.
I want you to respond and I want to hear what you have to say. Unless you really don't give a shit and this is Goodbye.
Robert, I want you to know that I always had confidence in you. I always thought you could overcome whatever it was that held you back because you deserve the best in life. I still think those things even thought I'm hating you right now. I hate you, I'm disappointed and I never want to see you again. Even after all that, I still wish you the best. How fucked up is that?
Well, if I don't hear from you, then I don't hear from you. I will pick up the pieces of my heart and I will move on.
Shelia
-- he hasn't responded yet. stupidly, i checked his email and he hasn't read it yet. he's probably at her house. --
8:56 p.m. - March 13, 2008
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