so, the teacher told me today that his wife's family and his family are intervening and trying to help them get their marriage back on track. so, the mrs revoked the break on their lease and wants to go to counseling. the teacher believes in his vows, which is a good thing, but feels that nothing will change and that he loves her but feels that things will never work out between them.
so yeah, i'm hurt. i decided to give it a shot even though i was very hesitant in the begining. married is married regardless if he's seperated. i've been to his place and have seen that most of her stuff had been moved out.
i was really begining to like him. my problem is that once i've decided to let myself be open to the fact that this could be a good relationship, i jump 100% into it. i dont hold back. i guess thats a bad thing. to give oneself so freely so soon. the outcome in this case is hurt. plain and simple. although, it isn't the same pain i felt previously. does constant disappointment and heartache make you numb? i'm not sure. he was the fifth person i had had sex with and the best sexual partner i've ever had. ever. like.... EVER! he's funny, smart, likes WoW and i really wanted to get to know him more.
he told me that he felt like shit for hurting me and blah blah blah. i really dont remember the entire conversation because i tend to hit an emotional block when something bad happens. i react in the moment and forget mostly everything that was said afterwards. he still wants to be friends. but, i'm not sure i can do that. of course i like talking to him, but its hard being friends with someone when you've been intimate with them and the potential is there for a great relationship and then to not be able to act upon it. just be friends... how does that work really?
i'm not sure what he wants from me other than his blatant request for me not to hate him. at this point, i'm just numb. i've met someone who is great, who treated me how i wanted to be treated, who is a great sexual partner, who has alot of things in common with me, yet i cant have him because he's decided to try and work things out with his wife. i cant fault him for that. he feels that it wont work because they've grown apart and changed and yet he will still try because he really believes in the vows he said. i cant hate him for that. i would want the same thing in my marriage. but it kills me because i want him, but i wont stand in the way.
i feel like giving up on relationships.
2:10 a.m. - December 30, 2008
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