removed his screen name (10:23:44 AM): so whats on your mind?
me (10:24:01 AM): i was thinking about my online diary...
me (10:24:05 AM): whats on your mind?
removed his screen name (10:24:32 AM): online diary?
me (10:24:39 AM): yeah, i've had it since 2003
removed his screen name (10:25:26 AM): I probably wouldn't want to read it right now would I
me (10:26:28 AM): i'm not a hateful person josh. its not in me to despise, hate, be insensitive or talk badly about people. sure i have my initial angers, hurts, etc, but i didnt write badly about you.
removed his screen name (10:26:57 AM): I meant that
removed his screen name (10:27:05 AM): reading about you hurt would kill me
removed his screen name (10:27:13 AM): I never want to hurt you
me (10:27:13 AM): plus, only jonni knows about it and ben initially, but i dont tell anyone else about it because its my one place to be completely honest with my feelings
me (10:27:27 AM): but you did hurt me
me (10:27:37 AM): i know it wasn't intentional, but you did
removed his screen name (10:27:44 AM): I know, and reading about it woudl kill me every day
me (10:29:52 AM): it took me awhile to get to the place where i understand it wasnt your intention to hurt me. i dont see that in you. dont feel bad. we're both adults, even though i very rarely act like one, and we both made the decision to take our newly found dating relationship to where it went. i thoroughly enjoyed every nervous moment, every sideways glance, every smile, every story, every kiss, every caress, everything. i enjoyed it all. so please dont feel bad.
removed his screen name (10:32:05 AM): i will regardless, for many reasons very personal to me
removed his screen name (10:32:13 AM): and I am sorry you got hurt in all this
me (10:33:05 AM): i'm only sorry that it got cut short because i really really wanted to give this a try and see where it led
removed his screen name (10:33:21 AM): Me too
me (10:34:23 AM): oh and if we went on a few more dates, i totally would have made you watch the entire season of big bang theory with me...
removed his screen name (10:34:46 AM): I want to watch it regardless
me (10:34:54 AM): lol
removed his screen name (10:35:35 AM): and I am very pissed off we never had break up sex
removed his screen name (10:35:37 AM): lol
removed his screen name (10:35:44 AM): trying to lighten the mood
me (10:35:59 AM): how could we have break up sex if we weren't even together silly?? or is it just semantics? lawl
removed his screen name (10:36:47 AM): semantics
removed his screen name (10:36:55 AM): it is the principle of the act
me (10:37:09 AM): i like our last time together.. i'll cherish that
removed his screen name (10:37:39 AM): worried about your parents coming home?
me (10:39:00 AM): no... watching your face as you came... then lying next to you, breathing hard against your neck, smelling you, carressing your chest, kissing your lips... wishing you could stay so we could cuddle more and have more sex... wishing that i lived alone so we could wake up together and have morning sex...
removed his screen name (10:40:02 AM): and it is the morning now..... grrrrrr
me (10:40:33 AM): so it is.. a new day... with new realities...
me (10:41:32 AM): what are you thinking?
removed his screen name (10:41:45 AM): those four pictures
me (10:41:53 AM): four?
removed his screen name (10:42:13 AM): three
removed his screen name (10:42:29 AM): wishing there was a second photo shoot
me (10:42:30 AM): ahh, lost the ability to count
me (10:42:34 AM): me too
removed his screen name (10:42:57 AM): SOB!!!!!!
me (10:43:10 AM): things happen for a reason right?
removed his screen name (10:43:31 AM): i guess
me (10:45:16 AM): ever heard of the book "the reader" by bernhard schlink?
removed his screen name (10:45:25 AM): no
me (10:45:43 AM): do you mind if i put an excerpt from the book that i really really liked?
removed his screen name (10:46:02 AM): i don't
me (10:46:15 AM): "I was afraid: of touching, of kissing, afraid I wouldn't please her or satisfy her. But when we had held each other for a while, when I had smelled her smell and felt her warmth and her strength, everything fell into place. I explored her body with my hands and mouth, our mouths met, and then she was on top of me, looking into my eyes until I came and closed my eyes tight and tried to control myself and then screamed so loud that she had to cover my mouth with her hand to smother the sound. The next night I fell in love with her. I could barely sleep, I was yearning for her, I dreamed of her, thought I could feel her until I realized that I was clutching the pillow or the blanket. My mouth hurt from kissing. I kept getting erections, but I didn't want to masturbate. I wanted to be with her.
Did I fall in love with her as the price for her having gone to bed with me? To this day, after spending the night with a woman, I feel I've been indulged and I must make it up somehow---to her by trying at least to love her, and to the world by facing up to it."
me (10:47:30 AM): its a good book. i read it in a day
me (10:48:30 AM): what do you think?
removed his screen name (10:48:57 AM): I like it but it makes me sad
me (10:49:10 AM): dont be sad
me (10:49:51 AM): what is sad is finding out from the ghost of your father that he was murdered by your uncle to be with your mother and rule the kingdom
removed his screen name (10:50:02 AM): hamlet
me (10:50:10 AM): yep, my fav shakespeare play
removed his screen name (10:50:43 AM): I kept getting erections, but I didn't want to masturbate. I wanted to be with her.
removed his screen name (10:50:48 AM): that is me right now!
me (10:51:16 AM): oh josh... it thrills me that you crave me, but am i more than that to you?
removed his screen name (10:51:42 AM): yes
removed his screen name (10:52:03 AM): if you weren't, I would have just left after we had sex
removed his screen name (10:52:16 AM): but I enjoyed the conversation we had in the end
removed his screen name (10:52:31 AM): and it was great to cap it with more sex but that is besides the point
removed his screen name (10:52:36 AM): I love my time with you
removed his screen name (10:52:42 AM): you make me smile and happy
me (10:53:54 AM): then i am happy. the thing I want most out of life is to be loved, to love in return and to find happiness at all times. those are the things that make life worth living.
removed his screen name (10:55:56 AM): which is why I am fighting so hard to not lose you from my life for good
---------------------------------------
later on in the conversation...
---------------------------------------
removed his screen name (11:00:53 AM): And I am very upset I never got to take those pictures for you
me (11:01:03 AM): you still can
me (11:01:10 AM): if you want
removed his screen name (11:01:27 AM): Yes!
removed his screen name (11:01:32 AM): when? Now?
me (11:01:36 AM): sure
me (11:01:46 AM): can i put them on xtube or is just for my viewing pleasure?
removed his screen name (11:02:09 AM): wait? are we talking about the same thing?
me (11:02:18 AM): guess not
me (11:02:19 AM): lol
me (11:02:25 AM): what are you talking about?
removed his screen name (11:02:49 AM): of you, playing with yourself, better ones, so both your hands are free
me (11:03:27 AM): wait, you want to come over and take pics of me masterbating?
removed his screen name (11:03:53 AM): yes!
removed his screen name (11:03:56 AM): we talked about that
me (11:05:20 AM): first off, no, we definitely should not do that. second, i'm on my period. third, you're married josh. you're going back to her. i cant let you back in like that. it would hurt more later. i thought you wanted to take pics of yourself since you never sent me the ones i was hesitant on recieving
removed his screen name (11:05:47 AM): I know, that is why I was confused
removed his screen name (11:06:01 AM): I still have those ones though
removed his screen name (11:06:05 AM): if you want them
me (11:06:17 AM): i do, but its up to you
removed his screen name (11:06:28 AM): how bad do you want them?
me (11:06:39 AM): are you trying to make me beg?
removed his screen name (11:07:11 AM): a little
me (11:07:35 AM): i want to have them so when i finger my wet pussy i'll think of your cock sliding in and out of me
removed his screen name (11:08:23 AM): sent sent sent sent sent
me (11:08:33 AM): you liked that answer i take it?
removed his screen name (11:08:55 AM): YES!!!!!
me (11:10:25 AM): seeing these pictures.... torture.. cuz i really want you so bad.. i want to suck your cock... do you like the way i suck your cock?
removed his screen name (11:11:19 AM): Yes!
removed his screen name (11:11:35 AM): Look, I am being completely honest, you are one of, if not the best at it.
me (11:12:04 AM): thank you. i love to do it
removed his screen name (11:12:42 AM): SOB!!!!!!!!!!!
removed his screen name (11:12:47 AM): I am ripping my hair out!
removed his screen name (11:13:07 AM): And OMG!!! can you kiss
me (11:13:16 AM): really? i never thought so
me (11:13:24 AM): no ones ever told me i could
removed his screen name (11:13:41 AM): honey, when it comes to sex, we just click
me (11:14:05 AM): lol
removed his screen name (11:15:17 AM): you keep almost typing something
me (11:15:26 AM): i'm trying to figure out what to say
removed his screen name (11:16:15 AM): what are you thinking?
me (11:16:55 AM): that i wish you weren't married so we could date and see if we click in more ways than just sex.
removed his screen name (11:17:30 AM): we do
me (11:18:00 AM): i thought we did too, but, you're focused on my pussy atm.. lol.. so i just wanted to hear you say it =P
removed his screen name (11:18:11 AM): I am
removed his screen name (11:18:15 AM): so very much so
removed his screen name (11:18:39 AM): I have been hard for a flippin hour now!
me (11:18:41 AM): you have a nice cock.. the way it felt sliding into me.. you make me so wet
me (11:18:47 AM): lol
me (11:19:00 AM): remember how soaked i was at the movies?
removed his screen name (11:19:13 AM): omg
removed his screen name (11:19:26 AM): you are going to make me cum just sitting here
me (11:20:04 AM): did you like it when i licked and sucked your cock those few times... were you scared we'd get caught?
removed his screen name (11:20:51 AM): I wanted you on your knees
removed his screen name (11:20:58 AM): I didn't care if we did
removed his screen name (11:21:29 AM): did you like my fingers inside of you?
me (11:21:49 AM): oh god yes... it was so hard to control myself i wanted to moan and beg you to fuck me right there
removed his screen name (11:23:38 AM): fuck it, I have to touch myself
me (11:24:26 AM): imagine that you're fucking my wet pussy and whispering in your ear, begging you to cum inside me
removed his screen name (11:26:12 AM): that right there did it instantly
11:15 p.m. - December 31, 2008
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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