i didnt read, watch or talk about anything scary yesterday so why would i be so freaked out that i couldnt sleep? i could feel myself on the verge of falling into a deep sleep but then i would feel weirded out. it felt like i became aware of something and it felt like pressure on my body and the attempt to constrict my throat. i would try to speak, but couldnt. i would struggle to cry out for help and in my mind i could hear it but i couldnt even whisper. the feeling was so weird. it scared me. i would try to move and i couldnt even do that. when i finally jerked awake, i was conscious of what had happened as if it werent a dream but real. it doesnt make sense, but its how i felt. i prayed to god for protection. i very rarely do that, but i was scared. it was the first thing i thought of and uttered and i didnt feel better but i hoped it would help me against whatever it was or whatever i was feeling. and no, i didnt take any drugs. so, i tried to go back to sleep and it happened two more times. so there i was, awake in my bed praying to god to protect me and then i hear the garage door open. this all happened around two to three in the morning. my mom had just gotten home. i got out of bed and thought, thank god, my moms home, and i scared her when i appeared behind her, but i begged her to keep me company when i tried to go to sleep. ok, i begged her to sleep with me. yes im in my thirties, yes i sleep with a night light, but fuck, i was scared. lol. i feel completely stupid, but i couldnt help feel such insane fear this morning. so my mom played free cell on my computer and i fell asleep to that, but she actually stayed and slept next to me until seven this morning. its so weird. i never used to be afraid of the dark. i never used to have such insane fears, but i do now and i hate it. yeah, im that lame.
i just dont understand why i felt that level of fear.
10:12 a.m. - October 17, 2009
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
iceelement