i hate when i've written paragraphs only to lose it all by a mis-click.
i finally had a dream last night! i need my dreams to help me through my dreary days. it is the greatest form of escape.
i was lying on my bed, stomach down. the phone rang and it was "dyson" (kris holden-ried of lost girl). he rang to tell me that he and approximately 3 others were coming over for thanksgiving. i looked at the calendar and saw that it was december and that christmas was within the next few days. i think he knew of my attraction to him. but, as any desperate woman would, i told him that if he got drunk i would be taking advantage of him. in the most utter serious tone, he said, "okay." it was if we needed this excuse to give in to our need of each other.
i remember we were walking towards the house. he was ahead of me. i was talking with a friend about how if he got drunk, i was going to totally take advantage of him. that he was so hot. he glances back and gives me the most stunning smile. it melted me. when we got inside, we ate, drank and had fun. i remember getting him his drinks with a smirk on my face.
i awoke with a smile on my face even though nothing progressed within my dream. it was enough to feel happiness.
before bed, i lay in bed and hope and wish that i dream when i close my eyes to slumber. last night was a bit different. my body was tired, but my mind was restless. in my mind, i was pretending to write a fan letter to tom hiddleston. having this one sided conversation with him. telling him about my days here. my feelings. then it struck me. the complete absurdity of the entire situation. it seems any form of escape is not beyond me. is it the first sign of insanity? i chuckled and tried my best to sleep.
should i write a fan letter?
9:44 a.m. - August 28, 2012
Recent entries:
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