things have been declining emotionally for me. i was in a much happier place just a month ago. i'm not sure what exactly has changed. i'm thinking that several small things that accumulated have caused me to take a few steps back to a sadder place.
my dad, just the other day, commented on how fat i was and laughed. sure it hurt my feelings. yes, i've heard it many times before, but after being happier than normal, it made me real sad. knowing that someone i like isn't in the same place as i am is pretty damn sad. feeling like i wont find my partner in crime is pretty damn sad, too.
someone at work was getting on my nerves. i accidentally killed a squirrel on the way to work with my car. i almost cried. when i got to work, nothing had been taken care of the prior two days that i was off. i swear shit will not get done unless i'm there to do it.
i quit smoking in january. sure, i cheated a couple of times in february, but hey, i hadn't smoked since then. UNTIL yesterday. all of those things just piled on top of each other and stressed me the fuck out. i wanted it. so badly. so, i did it. i bummed a smoke. i bummed a lighter. i told my supervisor that i was taking a fucking break for once and i went outside and i smoked the shit out of that cigarette. did i regret it afterwards? fuck yes.
time to move on. be stronger. find outlets for my frustrations so that i don't fall back on terrible habits.
4:42 p.m. - May 21, 2013
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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