Did you read his email? That is is why I could never hate him. He has soo much compassion and understanding.
Is it weird that his email is helping me move on more than the help and attention I've been getting from my co-workers? Or my best friend Carla? It helps to know how he feels, but should it? I don't know.
Want to know something else? Yesterday, a classmate of mine, NovyRose23, in Ceramics told me she is going through the same thing. Except, she happens to be the wife in this situation and has two kids with her husband. She found out that her husband has been corresponding with an ex girlfriend for the past year. She read ALL the emails they've sent. She also found out that he left his first fiance for this ex-girlfriend. I feel terrible for her and now I can truly see both sides of the situation.
She sent me this email in the hopes that I would stop what I'm doing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might want to reflect on what your feelings really are. "Loving someone" is NOT about seeking happiness for yourself, it is in fact about the happiness of the other person. Look at the situation for a moment: The one you "love" is married, has a life which he has vowed to live until death. What you are doing is destroying the life he and another person has created for themselves. The best way to destroy a person is by destroying everything he has, and everything he is because like it or not, he and she are one. I do not think loving someone involves destroying their lives because that is not what love is. Love means sacrificing oneself for the other. If you could sacrifice your "feelings" so that he can have a chance for his life to grow in the manner sealed by his vows, that would be the best thing you can give him.
Usually, extra-marital affairs happen because of problems in the marriage. Fine. Let's say they have a problem. But couples need a chance to make things better. Your involvement is not helping make that happen simply because you are "pulling" the husband away from those chances.
Adultery is an absolute violation of every marriage and moral concept we have. It totally devastates an innocent spouse and often leaves permanent scars with no chance for trust to ever exist again in most cases. It not only destroys the life of the married person, it also destroys you because God ceases to live in you.
You cannot have a relationship built on a wrong foundation. Adultery is the worst foundation there is. If you love him enough, cut off your communication with him once and for all. And give him a chance to live so you can also start your healing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This email made me cry. I can see how she feels. I can see it. It seems right to cut off communication completely or permanently, but I don't know if I can do it. I know that right now the best thing to do is cut off communication and I have. I am giving myself time to heal and move on. It's going to be hard because I miss him. I miss talking to him. Before all this happened, he was a good friend to me. We have alot in common. Plus, he has extended out a hand in friendship for when I have moved on. I know that it will be a long time before I can accept it.
All anybody ever wants in life is to love and be loved. Right now, I need to love myself and do what's best for me. He gave me good advice, which is this:
You need to come to the conclusion that you as an individual are more important than any relationship that you will ever be in. If you want the good times, you have to learn to make it through the bad ones. Life goes on.
10:18 a.m. - 2003-10-08
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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