-=sigh=-
Here goes...
The other, other night, I was on yahoo with
Yet, I find myself wondering what would it be like to be with him. To meet him, fuck him and just BE with him. I guess I have this notion of some type of romantic story, fairy tale, whatever it is, idea that anything is possible when it comes to love. You know, amour and shit. Ronnie and Dave met online and ended up getting married. You see? It's possible to connect with someone online and actually be able to grow to love one another.
Pause. Stop. DO not go a step further. Now, I have this fucked up brain that tells me that Love conquers all, anything is possible, yadda yadda yadda. Yet, a part of me says, listen she, there's no way he even LIKES you so stop imagining your lives being all lovey dovey, happily ever after type stuff. I always fall in "attraction" to the wrong guys. Wrong guys, wrong situation, wrong everything.
He lives in Cincinatti, OH, has a girlfriend (yeah, they're back together. As if we didn't guess that would happen.) is extremely funny, attractive and he plays CS. What more can a girl ask for? Well, for starters, that he be single, that he not lie to you and that he likes you. Just for starters.
To get back to the point I've yet to make, but I will now. I ended up doing stuff on webcam. Hey, I like the webcam, but, it makes me more of an exhibitionist. I showed him my breasts, me playing with them and that's it. Okay... that's not it. hehe. I did masterbate for him w/my vibrator, but, and this is a big BUT, he didn't see my goodies. I wasn't shaved and I was bleh about that so all he could see was my breasts, my legs on the desk and my hand moving.. but thats it.
I didn't see him on webcam that night, because he wasn't in the mood for showing his face in his time of deep hurt. But, he has cummed for me on cam before. What a fucking turn on. SIGH. I want him. I'm extremely physically attracted to him. He seems to be my type, whatever that is. So, I masterbated for him. Then i find out the next day that he and his girlfriend may be working stuff out. Yay! I'm happy for him, but jealous too. Why am I so fucked up in the head?? You don't know? Well, neither do I.
Anyway, right after I cum, he logs off. I immediately wait for him to come back online. He doesn't. SO, I'm thinking that I made him mad for not letting him see everything or that he got what he wanted and that's that. I hate that. The next morning he said that his computer froze and it was too late to reboot and plus he was tired. All nice compliments to me. *cough. looks down at the ground in sexual shame.*
So, since I did that a few days ago. I feel like shit because, you guessed it, I haven't talked to him. Heh. He hasn't talked to me. When will I learn? Men say whatever they want to get what they want. He told me he thought I was sexy, beautiful, funny, blah blah blah, and I love hearing those things (not in selfish way) so I give in, for which it isn't too difficult. I'm such a horn dog, you'd think there was a man trapped inside of me. I think about sex so much in one day it's unbelievable. Right now I feel like just fucking anyone so I can be fucked. I'm horny and I want it. NOW! lol.
So, this is number 4 in the list of bad karma that has happened to me.
1. Ben
2. Remy
3. Tony
4. Joe
I'm hoping that my bad luck karma streak is over.
I'll take good karma to go please. super sized. ty.
12:21 a.m. - April 04, 2004
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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