Well damn! Yesterday I woke up with a slight hangover with much determination to get away from the whole situation with you know who. I told myself that our conversation on the phone the other night was exactly what I needed to break away. I wasn't going to call him or email him or anything. I even decided not to contact his wife.
All day yesterday I was determined and sure that I wasn't going to give in even though it is very very hard to. Well, I get home from work and I sit in my car a bit before going inside and just thought about everything. I was sad, but it the resolve and determination is something I had to have. I go inside and the phone immediately rings. Guess who?
Yep, it was HIM. I wondered why he was calling me at 10pm and found out that he was taking his break. I had already drank a shot of rum and had two cig's and told him so. I asked him what was up and he said nothing, just working. He asked if I was going to be up at 12 and I said most likely and then he asked if he could come over. Instead of saying no, I said yes dammit! I told him that after our last convo that I didn't think he'd want to hang out and he asked me why I assumed that and I was like, I don't know.
So, stupid as I am, I tell him, hey, i'm no longer on my period either! What the hell do you know. But, it turns out, I'm still a tad spotty. Anyways, I digress. So he says okay, I'll see you later. So, what the fuck do I do??? I immediately tidy up bits a pieces of my room. Hide the dirty clothes, light a scented candle, fill my fish tank with some more water to lessen the noise and create atmosphere with it's blue light... and then... then... I go straight to the bathroom and shave my naughty bits, legs and underarms.
What the fuck, right? Why am I doing all this shit? Oh, and my friend cathy just happened to buy a 40 pack of condoms because her boyfriend is getting out of jail and is very very horny. So, she passes a few out. Sure I'm a virgin, but hey, they last until 2008. I'm hoping I'll get some by then, right?! lol
So, he comes over and sees the rum in my room and takes 2 shots, I take 1 shot and then we lay on the bed and start watching Eddie Izzards Dress to Kill. FUCKING HILARIOUS!!! Anyways, he starts to caress my thighs and he notices that they're smooth and comments that he likes that. He keeps caressing and caressing. It felt soo good. Then, my foot starts to rub against his leg causing him to caress my legs more.
I'm drunk, he's buzzed and we change positions on the bed to where I'm laying against him and his arm is around me. He starts to caress my breasts and I'm in naughty heaven! I turn towards him and start caressing you know what over his jeans and he leans into my hand. (jack, if you're reading this, don't tell your mom okay?! Never tell your mom anything!!!I will kill you if you do!) Then he kisses me and I love kissing him... It's so wrong, but I like it.
So, we're kissing, touching and it progresses. He moves his hands between my legs and caresses me there and then sticks his hands in my panties and starts pleasuring me. OMG!! just thinking about it again has me all hot and bothered! Then, I move my hand into his jeans and actually start giving him a hand job. OMG!! It wasn't as weird as I thought it would be, and he whispered in my ear that he liked that I was touching him so intimately.
THEN...THEN... my dumb aunt yells at the top of her lungs at 1:30am that it's 2am and that it's time for him to go. Argh! I was soo pissed. He got up from the bed and I told him to stay sitting. I straddled his thighs and started to grind against him and I told him that this is one of my fantasies. He looks at me and then kisses me and my neck and bucks up against me... oh fuck... just thinking about it... dammit... this is WRONG, but oh so good!
All the while he's telling me that I smell good and touching me and nibbling on my neck. Boy was I creamin big time! Finally, we both get up because he's like I have to go and my aunt could bitch again at any moment. So, we get up and I stand in front of him and from behind he starts to touch me down there again and I lean back into him and fuck...I'm like okay okay.. and he stops and kinda laughs and tells me to catch my breath... Whew... I walk out of the room and my aunt just looks at us and we walk into the front room where my uncle is feeding his fish and I show him the tank I put my plecostamus in.
I walk him to his car and touch him before we even get out of the house, that's how bad I want him. We get to his car and I lean against it next to the driver door and he's touching me again and I tell him that it's already hard for me to walk because my legs are shaking soo bad. He laughs a little and I can see the massive hard on he has. So, I put my hand in his shirt and caress his stomach and nipples and move my hand down to his pants and kind of tease him by running my fingers along the trim of his underwear and dipping my fingers in little by little until I'm stroking him again.
I ask him if he's gonna be weirded out by this tomorrow and he said he wouldn't and that I should know that he can't be my boyfriend and I tell him that I know this. I agree that this is all good and fun. That's it. So, he tells me to go to bed, but that I don't have to sleep..wink wink.. Oh, what a night! He said he would call me today, but, we'll see. I'm not going to call him or email him at all. He'll be wrapped around my little finger.. yeah right..lol
btw, I told him that i was going to get shit from my aunt today because he was over so late, actually because he was just over. So, after school, I walk into the house and my aunt is like, who was that boy? I was like, that's my friend b, you know, he's been here before. She was like, I don't know him and said he's my friend b. Then I had to say, he's k's husband. THEN, she was like, why was he here so late. I told her that we were watching a movie and she was like, he doesn't need to be over this late and he should be with his wife. I told her that he works down the street from you and gets off work at midnight and she was just giving me looks.
And, she was making those tsking sounds y'know. Like i'm being bad. She said that even if your good friends, he shouldn't be here so late and that he should be with his wife. I didn't say anything after that and just went to my room thankful that she didn't walk in on anything last night.
Anyways, I'm not feeling too guilty at the moment. Although, I know I can't have him and even if he were to leave his wife, he would cheat on me too. I do deserve better, but right now, he's really really good. I'll just have to take it one day at a time, decision by decision.
laters.
Suicide is our way of saying to God, "You can't fire me, I quit!"
Bill Maher, on Politically Incorrect, 1995
11:46 a.m. - 2003-09-12
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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