Remember how I previously wrote that I sent Dustin an email stating my attraction towards him? Well, he bravely wrote me back and this is what he wrote:
Hey Shelia,
You are really sweet and I would love to still be your friend, but I don't think it would be a good idea to go any farther than friends. Especially since you are moving in a couple weeks. I really didn't notice you flirting with just me, yes I am that blind but I've never been good at reading women. If I hurt your feelings in any way I am truly sorry.
Talk to you soon,
Dustin
~~~~~
I think he acted very sweet and did his best not to be hurtful. I'm glad he didn't ignore me. He definitely gets points for being straightfoward, unlike some people I know. I told him what Jason said. Wait, did I tell you guys?? Yes?? No?? I'll recap anyway.
Well, I told Jason, the night I sent the first email to Dustin, what I had said. He turned to me and said that he was going to do the same thing, but he figured he shouldn't since I was leaving for CA. Isn't that crazy?? He also asked me if I wanted to see Bad Santa on Saturday after I got off work. I told him that I would go. So, I'll have to tell you how that goes sunday if I get a chance. I wonder if he thinks this is a date?? Hmmmm... How can I tell??
Ever since I told Dustin how I felt, we've been able to talk more. I told Dustin that Jason liked me and how Tracy liked Jason. Dustin ended up telling me that he liked this girl that was at the apartment the night I told him. I think her name is Gina. He sat next to her and accidentally spilled HOT chocolate all over her crotch!! I wanted to laugh so hard, but I amazingly held it in.
I saw the movie Love Actually Wednesday and I cried from beginning to end. I suggest everyone see it. It was sad, depressing, annoying and funny. It's amazing how people go through life with this notion of how love should be, but it never is what they thought it would be. Snape's story intrigued me. Why would he throw a life he had built with a woman he loves and their two children away for some ugly ass secretary? She didn't even have tits! She was ugly! I swear, she only got attention because she was skinny! Ahem, I stray. Sorry. He even said he was the classic fool. His wife was amazingly strong when she found out what he had done.
Cheating is the classic story between lovers. Are we as humans destined to always stray? Some scientists believe that our human nature is to reproduce therefore we cannot help but stray to other partners whether or not we are in a committed relationship.
What I learned as I watched the many storys in Love Actually is that love is a complicated thing. There are soo many facets to it that you can't definitively say that it means this or is this. Everyone has their own definition of what love is, whether it be positive or negative. I wrote Dustin the night I saw that movie because it gave me the attitude of, "fuck it and just do it. what's the worst that could happen?" So I did and nothing happened, but I feel better knowing. Everyone always regrets "what if's."
I probably shouldn't be writing this, especially if Ben sees it. The reason being is that I want to fuck him before I leave and he's married. Although, he doesn't have kids, which isn't an excuse. But, I feel that our situation is different. We've talked about this before and I won't go into it here (this already is a long ass entry. are you tired of reading yet? or are you already gone? lol!). I really do hope he contacts me for sex. Don't get me wrong, he is my friend and if he doesn't want to meet for that, it won't bother me. I still want to see my friend before I leave. I would hate it if we couldn't get together.
Anyway. On to lighter pissier subjects. I took a govt test today and got a nice 67! Yay!! I have to get a 86 on the final to pass the class with a C. Do you think I can do it?? I better fucking do good on that test. I'll actually have to study. I heard that works. lol. I'm definitely passing ceramics and I think I'm passing astronomy. I better graduate dammit. If I don't, I'm still fucking moving. Fuck it. I'll finish there.
Ahh, jason just called (5:57pm) and we arranged to meet at the Barnes and Noble downtown fort worth at 8pm to watch the movie and possibly get drinks afterwards. He somewhat offered my cousin come with us, so she's coming too. Not to chaperone...sheesh, I'm not 16 yrs old. Hehehe. She's going with to be my bodyguard! lol!
Well, I'm off to start my packing. That way I can figure out if I want to sell more stuff at tomorrows garage sale. Luckily, I'll be at work instead.
5:17 p.m. - 2003-12-05
Recent entries:
solitude - March 31, 2014
Je suis triste... - June 28, 2013
I thought I found what I always wanted - June 25, 2013
oh you delicate heart... - June 18, 2013
all the small things... - May 21, 2013
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