so, yesterday i went on a date. i was talking to this guy from ok cupid. i didn't think he was interested and we only talked about music. he messaged me initially because of our common like of radiohead. he asked me to dinner so i said yes. i thought it'd be a good way to help overcome my feelings for reddit guy. i was a bit nervous and a little excited. my second date in 5 years. oh, i didn't tell you about my first date a few weeks ago. i met with a trans woman named elizabeth. she was cool. we have gaming in common, but there was no attraction. she also had horrible teeth.
so the plan was to meet at a starbucks. nice and public. then he asks me to come get him. i get to his house, in oakhurst, and i asked if we could head out to dinner because i was hungry and hadn't eaten since 6am that morning. he then said he was going to order chinese to be delivered. so, we sit on the couch and he pops in independence day. he lives alone in a 2 bedroom home. it was completely filthy. bleh. we had talked previously about our kinks but i never really thought i'd ever meet him.
the movie started and he got touchy and it had been so long for me, i missed the feeling. he is attractive. so i let it happen. he ended up going down on me and i reciprocated. i almost came. almost. then we went on to the sex portion. a condom was used. we moved from the sofa to the bed. it wasn't good. there were moments that felt good, but i didn't come. he kept getting soft. so, i asked if i could finger his ass. he said yes, so i did that and he came that way. we then went to eat and he got frisky again and he got soft a couple of times again. he asked me to sit on his face, so i did. i was on top doing 69. that was really hard for me because i'm so self conscious, but after a bit, i didn't care anymore. i stood around naked, walked around naked and he just touched me in a way that let me know he really liked my body even though the sex was bad. we had sex, or attempted to have sex a third time. i was dressed and ready to leave but he wanted me to listen to some of the music he made. he's a dj, btw. so, i'm sitting there and he tells me to get up. i stand and he unbuckles my belt and pushes my jeans down to my knees and turns me around, bends me over the chair and starts fucking me. i thought that was hot. we got undressed and went back to his room. he went soft again and said that he could get hard if i sat on his face again. so, i did. he came. i did not. i was close.
through the course of all this activity. i was disappointed in myself for doing it. the third time around, he didn't use a condom, but he didn't come in side me. he said he was clean, but i need to be tested. i'm surprised i didn't bleed either. i was really worried because he really liked going down on me. he also ate out my ass. it felt really good. at one point he was fingering my ass while fucking me. that felt good. there were moments that were really horrible. he would try to mark me by biting really hard. i had to tell him to stop. i didn't want his marks on me and it hurt. he squeezed my breasts really hard. he choked me really hard. i had to ask him to stop doing that, too.
before i left to meet phil, i gave his info to reddit guy and to carla in case anything were to happen. reddit guy was so fucking sweet and he messaged me our code to make sure i was okay and i asked to speak with him when i got home to tell him what happened and he waited. i told him everything. i felt i disappointed him which is stupid because we aren't anything to each other but friends. i talked through my feelings and he listened and gave really good advice. i'm just not ready to deal with dating until i really get over my feelings for him. he's with his gf. he lives with her. they're still intimate. he hasn't commented on it, i don't want to hear it, but i'm near positive they are. they're working things out. god, this fucking sounds like when i liked ben. you'd think i'd know better by now.
after all is said is done. he tells me that i shouldn't put all my eggs into one basket (him) and that he is dating a lot of people.
10:10 a.m. - March 06, 2013
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